Man, I Feel Like A Woman
by Eddy13
Summary: For their wedding anniversary, Kim gives Ron a sultry gift. Song-fic.


**A/N: It has been some time since I've contributed to the site. Please note it was not by choice. A lot of my writing files have been unavailable for some time, but I'm hoping to them recovered one day soon. Please bear with me. That said, this particularly plot bunny burrowed into me and wouldn't leave me alone, so I decided to feed it. Please note that this also counts as a songfic, and hopefully those blasted whistle blowers who got my last songfic yanked won't interfere again. Anyone who reads this will no doubt get enraged. You'll see why soon enough.**

**P.S. You might want to have your ACs going at full power. You were warned.**

* * *

The shopping center of Middleton was always a hub of cheerful activity. Usually, anyone who walked into its interior would jubilantly scan the many stores surrounding them to see the assorted wares they were selling.

Such was not the case on this day with a certain individual.

A look of distress on her face, Kim Possible Stoppable slowly trotted through the mall, paying no attention to anything around her as her mind wrestled with the difficult problem at hand.

"_Come on, Kim_" she thought to herself behind her troubled brow "_Think! This must be something you can do about this gorchy sitch!_"

Alas, no solution presented herself to her over this troublesome dilemma, and the inability to find an answer only served to bum Kim out.

As Kim was walking, she happened to catch sight of her favorite retail store as she was going passed it. Figuring a look at Club Banana's new merchandise might take her mind off her funk for awhile, Kim jerkily turned and wobbled in. Unfortunately, her depression was so deep, she found herself unable to get in the mood to eye the brands around her and instead found herself focusing on her crisis again.

This lack of browsing did not go unnoticed, however.

"Okay" a voice piped up behind her "Something must be really weighing down on you if you passed through three rows of pants without even squealing".

Turning around, Kim saw a familiar face.

"Oh, hey, Monique" she said halfheartedly.

"Kim, girl" the recently promoted manager of Club Banana said "What's with you? I haven't seen anyone looking more like a zombie since 'The Staggering Corpse'".

"Um, it's nothing, really" Kim stuttered while shaking her head.

"Kim" Monique said seriously "Not only have you been ignoring Club Banana fashions, but you've being doing it during a 75 percent off sale! If that's not wrong, then I don't know what is."

With that, Monique took Kim by the hand and led her through the store into the back and up to the counter.

"There, no one should be able to overhear us back here" Monique said as she walked behind the counter "Now, spill. What's the trouble in paradise?"

"Uh, what?" Kim said in surprise at Monique's question.

"Kim, you can't fool me" Monique said directly "I recognized that look on your face. It says 'Marital Problems'. What's going on between you and your hubbie?"

"Oh, come on, Mo" Kim said with a force smile "There's nothing wrong going on with me and Ron".

Monique leveled an even look at Kim "Girl, I told you you can't fool me. I can tell whenever you have a problem related to the man in your life. Now fess up".

Kim sighed. Monique knew her too well. It appeared she had no choice.

"Well," she started hesitantly "It's just that Ron and mine's wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days".

"Uh oh, and Ron has forgotten about it?" Monique asked before shaking her head "Girl, I've told you before that you need to be direct and to the point with that boy in matters like this".

"Don't worry, it's nothing like that" Kim replied "I've dropped plenty of none-too-subtle hints, so there's no way he couldn't remember".

"Then what's the problem?" Monique had to ask.

"The problem is that I don't know what to get him for our anniversary!" Kim admitted with a groan while banging her head on the desk.

Taking in this revelation, Monique regarded her friend with curiosity. While this was a bit of a problem, it wasn't the colossal crisis Kim seemed to be making it out to be.

"Uh, Kim, don't you think you're overthinking this?" she asked in confusion "I mean, this is _Ron _we're talking about. He isn't the type of guy to care about what you get him. That boy would be happy with you getting him a year's worth of Bueno Bucks".

"You don't understand!" Kim retorted as she raised her head "You haven't been aware of what Ron's been up to like I have! He's been working triple overtime at Smarty-Mart for weeks! I just know he's saving up to get me something wonderful!"

"Wow" Monique said in amazement "Guess that boy can be romantic when he wants to".

"Yeah, well" Kim grumbled "Now he's going to look like a thoughtful husband while I'm going to seem inconsiderate!"

Monique raised a brow "Kim, you're letting your natural Kimness get to you. Wedding anniversaries aren't supposed to be competitions".

"I know that" Kim said with a sigh "But with the fact that he's treating me like a princess and going out of his way to do some so sweet for me, I want to do something just as amazing to show I feel the same".

"Hmm" Monique said thoughtfully with a finger to a chin as an idea began to form in her mind.

"Do you want my advice?" she asked outloud.

"Please and Thank You" came the desperate response.

"You've been married for three years now, right?"

"Yeah".

"And you've really enjoyed those three years, right?"

"Oh yeah" Kim said dreamily as she fondly thought back on everything that had happened since she and Ron came back from their honeymoon and moved into their own house.

"And during that time, there's been a lot of Mattress Mambo, hasn't there?" Monique asked huskily.

"MONIQUE!" Kim shrieked in objection.

"Kim" Monique said flatly "You can't honestly tell me that it didn't take a lot self-restraint to keep you two from giving each other your virginities before your wedding night, can you?"

The scarlet look on Kim's face that perfectly matched her hair gave Monique her answer.

"Uh huh. Thought so" Monique crowed "Anyway, my point is, since you love your man, your anniversary present to him should be you fulfilling your wifely duty of showing him that".

"Meaning?" Kim asked.

"Here's what I'm thinking" Monique said while turning her head in all directions to make sure nobody wasn't looking before continuing "Do you still remember all your cheer moves?"

"Yeah" Kim nodded "I haven't done any cheerleading since college, but you never forget the motions".

"Then I suggest you dust them off and put them to _good_ use" Monique said as she ran a hand down her waist while wiggling her body.

"What are you taking abo-" Kim's eyes widened as she realized what Monique was implying "Mo, I couldn't...I've never done anything like that in my life!"

"Kim, you're not a teenager living with Mom and Dad, anymore" Monique said firmly "You're a grown, married woman who enjoys making her man happy. Forget about being a Pixie Scout all the time. It's time that you cut loose every once in a while!"

Kim thought for a moment. Monique did have a point. She was her own woman now, one who was happily married. What she did on her own didn't need to be certified by her parents. Of course, she doubted she'd tell them about this anyway. And Monique was right that there was nothing wrong with cutting loose now and then. And considering she couldn't really think of anything else, Monique's suggestion was the best viable option.

"Well," she finally said hesitantly "I do still have my original cheer outfit. I suppose _that_ could work".

"Not enough" Monique shook her head "For this, I say it calls for an entirely unique wardrobe" she took Kim's wrist "Come on! We've got a few clothing stores to hit, starting with Club Banana's newlywed collection".

* * *

A few hours later, after getting a whole closet full of new clothes, Monique helped Kim put together her outfit for her wedding anniversary. After going through many different assortments and ensembles, they finally settled on one that seemed to work the best, and now Kim stood in front of a full-length mirror, taking in her reflection.

"I've got to say, Kim" Monique said approvingly "I think we've got a winner, here".

"I still don't know, Monique" Kim said hesitantly "I'm not sure if I can pull this off".

"Kim, that's the whole point!" Monique retorted before sighing "Look, you've still got a few days before your anniversary. Just do a little practicing to build up your confidence, then on the big night, your man will be putty in your hands!"

Kim mulled over her friend's advice before nodding "Alright, I'll do it. I'm the girl who can do anything after all!" she looked at her reflection "I've totally got this".

'I don't know" Monique replied with a hand to her chin "I can't help but feel like it needs something. What does it say to me? Think, Mon, think!" she muttered before looking to a nearby table and getting a light bulb "I've got it!"

Reaching to the table, Monique picked up an item and handed them to Kim "Here, put these on".

Kim looked over the object in her hands "A pair of glasses?"

"Makes the ending all the better" Monique replied.

Complying with her friend's suggestion, Kim donned the eye-wear and looked at herself in the mirror. Fortunately, the glasses didn't make her vision blurry, and the appearance did seem to be even better.

"Great!" Monique said excitedly "Now all we need to do is make you an appropriate mix tape!"

Kim grinned, suddenly feeling a lot more confident "I think I know just the song for it".

* * *

With Rufus dropped off with Ron's parents and Hana and Wade having triple promised not to call the Kimmunicator for 24 hours, Kim and Ron effectively had the night to themselves. Since the date of their wedding had been the day of their first date, the pair had made it a point to wear the clothes from that day every year on their anniversary. Surprisingly, their prom outfits still fit after all this time.

The couple was now situated in their kitchen, eating the romantic dinner Kim had prepared, soft candles on the table, each giving the other loving glances as they ate.

"Man, KP" Ron said as he enjoyed the meal "Your cooking skills have really gotten better".

"Oh, come now, Ron" Kim said defensively "My cooking hasn't always been that bad".

"Kim" Ron said jokingly "Need I remind you about your attempts to make hotcakes?"

Kim considered frowning at Ron's comment, but couldn't help laughing in spite of herself "Yeah," she giggled "Those things weren't my best work".

"Oh, I don't know" Ron said in a jovial manner "They made good replacements for bricks and cinder blocks".

"Yeah" Kim smirked "Of course, I had to stop when the fire department and hazmat team got sick of coming over".

"Yeah, but the contractor was certainly okay with continuously redoing the kitchen!" Ron added.

That last comment caused the pair to laugh like a couple of hyenas. When the giggle fit died down, Ron placed a hand fondly over Kim's on the table.

"But in all honesty, KP" he said sincerely "This has been a wonderful meal you made".

A loving grin on her face, Kim slipped a foot out of her high heel and caressed Ron's leg "Well, when you've got the proper motivation, it's amazing what you can do".

Raising his other hand, Ron ran it through Kim's hair and felt her ponytail before sliding it softly down her cheek "Man, KP, you've gotten even more beautiful since our wedding".

Grinning like a loon, Kim placed her hand on top of Ron's "You're pretty good-looking yourself. That goofy powder blue tux has really grown on me".

Returning the grin, Ron stood up from his chair and held his hand to Kim "May I have this dance?"

"You may indeed" Kim replied as she took the offered hand before the couple walked into their living room. Pushing the 'Play' button on their stereo, the song they danced to at the Junior Prom played and the pair began to dance in the same fashion they did on that night.

When the song ended, they stopped dancing and looked at each other fondly

Ron smiled at his blushing bride "I love you, Kim Possible Stoppable".

"And I love you, Ron Stoppable" Kim said back as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her head just above his collarbone before sighing "Oh, Ron," she cooed "This has been a really wonderful night".

"Oh, I almost forgot" Ron said in realization as he looked Kim in the face "I haven't given you your anniversary present yet".

"Ooh, let me see" Kim playfully asked.

"Now, now" Ron teased as he lead her over to the couch and had her sit down "Don't be impatient. First, close your eyes".

Obeying the request, Kim covered her eyes with her hands.

"No peaking" she heard Ron's voice as there was the sound of rustling, as if Ron was pulling something from out of hiding. A few moments later, Kim heard his voice again "Okay, you can open them now".

Uncovering her eyes, Kim saw Ron's hands stretched out in front of her. In the palms was a small black box.

"Go on" Ron said with a grin "Open it".

Eagerly taking the box, Kim lifted the lid. Her breath was taken away by what she saw as she put her hand to her mouth with a gasp.

Inside the box was a round emerald surrounded by a gold band on a long gold chain, with a dozen tiny rubies in the shape of stars embedded in the setting around it.

"I had it specially made" Ron explained softly "I wanted to give you something that made me think of the most beautilicious eyes I've ever seen and the lovely hair that went with them" he grinned sheepishly "Thought it would be a good way to make up for that mop and lifetime supply of floorwax I got you for your birthday".

"Ron" Kim said in astonishment, tears in her eyes "It's beautiful!" Jumping up, she threw her arms around the man she loved in a bear hug before planting a passionate kiss on his lips "Thank you so much!"

"So, I guess this means you like it?" Ron asked he wobbled like his legs were made of jelly.

"So like it" was the reply before Kim's mood turned mischievous "Now I think it's time I give you _your_ present".

"Ooh, what did you get me?" Ron asked curiously.

"You'll see" Kim replied in the same playful tone she used when she took Ron to the Prom as she had him sit in his easy chair "You just sit down and relax in your favorite arm chair, and I'll be right back".

With that, Kim sauntered out of the room with a wiggle of her hips. Reaching the entryway, she gave Ron a sly wink before disappearing down the corridor that lead to their bedroom.

Curious as to what his gift was, Ron sat in silence, anxious for Kim's return. Moments seemed to drag on as Ron waited patiently for his wife to come back out.

Ron couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was that Kim got him. It must've been something big if it was taking her this long to haul it out of their bedroom.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a voice spoke from down the hallway "Okay, Ron! Ready or not, here's your present!"

In a flash, a black gloved hand reached out from the hallway and turned down the dimmer switch. A second later, Kim strolled in, causing Ron's eyes to widen at the sight of the his wife, who had apparently spent the last ten minutes going through her closet.

Instead of her prom dress, Kim was now wearing an oversized tuxedo jacket that went all the way to the floor. Peaking out from Kim's collar was the sign of a white undershirt and tie, with black gloves emerging from the shirt's cuffs. On Kim's face was a pair of glasses that gave her a business-like look, and the majority of her auburn hair was covered by a top hat. Looking downward, Ron could barely make out a pair of black shoes sticking out from the hem of Kim's jacket.

Kim couldn't help but smirk at the look on Ron's face, which seemed like a mixture of shock, confusion, surprise, and arousal. Her confidence brimming, the redhead strolled over to the stereo and pulled a CD out of her pocket. Inserting it into the stereo, Kim pressed 'Play'. An electric guitar blared from the stereo as a song started.

_Let's go, girls. C'mon!_

As the opening music began, Kim ran her hands over her body and swayed. She then did a spin and bent over backwards before removing her hat. Much to Ron's surprise, instead of her hair falling downward, it was tied up in a tight bun.

_I'm goin' out tonight, I'm feelin' alright_

_Gonna let it all hang out_

_Wanna make some noise, Really raise my voice_

_Yeah, I wanna scream and shout_

Kim reached up and plucked off her glasses, giving Ron an unobstructed view of her eyes.

_No inhibitions, Make no conditions_

_Get a little outta line_

_I ain't gonna act politically correct_

_I wanna have a good time!_

Shaking her money-maker, Kim slowly unbuttoned her jacket, revealing a pair of long black pants underneath.

_The best thing about bein' a woman_

_Is the prerogative to have a fun and.._

Her hands moving to the fly of her pants, Kim slowly pushed down on the zipper.

_Oh, Oh, Oh!_

_Totally crazy!_

_Forget I'm a lady!_

_Men shirt, short skirts!_

As if Ron's curse had passed onto her, the pants instantly fell to her ankles. Slowly stepping out of them, while making sure to show off her legs, Kim kicked the pants off to the side.

_Oh, Oh, Oh!_

_Really go wild yeah,_

_Doin' it in style!_

Turning her back to Ron, Kim shimmed out of her jacket and spun it around her head while twirling before letting it fall to the floor. The undershirt she was wearing went down to her hips. Finally able to see her legs, Ron realized that Kim was wearing a pair of thigh-high onyx boots.

_Oh, Oh, Oh!_

_Get in the action,_

_Feel the attraction!_

_Color my hair,_

_Do what I dare!_

Reaching to her neck, Kim slowly loosed her tie before eventually ripping the knot and removing the tie.

_Oh, Oh, Oh!_

_I wanna be free-Yeah_

_Feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

Holding it high above her head in both hands, Kim brought the tie downward behind her and began to use it like a towel to sensually rub her backside.

_The girls need a break,_

_Tonight we're gonna take_

_The chance to get out on the town_

To Ron's surprise, Kim ran the tie between her legs and did the same motion she did against her backside. Finally, she stood up, cracked the tie like a whip and let it drop to the ground.

_We don't need romance,_

_We only wanna dance_

_We're gonna let our hair down!_

Running her gloved hands over her body, Kim massaged her midriff through her shirt.

_The best thing about bein' a woman,_

Spinning like a ballerina, Kim strutted away from Ron before turning back to him with a lavish look in her eyes.

_Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..._

In one swift motion, Kim ripped open her shirt, allowing Ron to see what was underneath. It was a variation of her little black dress, but not only was the hem shorter, it was also strapless, leaving Kim's shoulders bare. In addition, the top displayed a fair bit of cleavage. Around Kim's neck, Ron saw the pendant he had just given her. With Kim's arms exposed, Ron could see that her gloves were shoulder length.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_Go totally crazy,_

_Forget I'm a lady!_

_Men shirt, short skirts_

Wiggling her legs, Kim did a provocative dance as she ran her her hands over her mini dress.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_Really go wild yeah,_

_Doin' it in style!_

Rubbing her gloved hands over her elbows, Kim turned her back to her husband. Looking over her shoulder, she gave a mischievous wink before leaning forward to expose her backside, revealing that she was wearing nothing underneath her dress.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_Get in the action,_

_Feel the attraction!_

_Color my hair, _

_Do what I dare!_

Rising back up and turning around, Kim cupped her face with her gloved hands and gave a seductive tongue roll.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_I wanna be free yeah!_

_Feel the way I feel_

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

As an electric guitar instrumental began, Kim reached up to her hair and plucked off a black hair clip. Sensually shaking her head left and right was all it took to return her hair to its natural appearance.

_Uh huh!_

Putting a gloved finger to her mouth, Kim seductively bit down on it and used her teeth to remove the glove. Before the instrumental ended, its mate joined it on the floor.

_Oh, yeah!_

_The best thing about bein' a woman,_

_Is the prerogative to a little fun! (Fun! Fun!)_

Doing a handstand, Kim raised her legs into the air and straight up, leaving her boots on the floor.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_Go totally crazy,_

_Forget I'm a lady!  
_

_Men shirts, short skirts!_

Kim lowered her legs back to the ground, doing an erotic split as she did.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_Really go wild yeah,_

_Doin' it in style!_

Standing back up, Kim began to wildly shake her head in every direction, her long red hair fluttering madly around.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_Get in the action,_

_Feel the attraction!_

_Color my hair,_

_Do what I dare!_

Running her hands down her waist, Kim reached for her dress's zipper at her side.

_Oh, oh, oh!_

_I wanna be free yeah_

_Feel the way I feel!_

_(Feel he way I feel!)_

Kim slowly began to push the zipper downward.

_Man! I feel like a woman!_

The zipper completely undone, Kim began to dance wildly, the dress threatening to come off as parts of Kim's body were briefly exposed with each motion.

_Ooh, oh, oh!_

_Uh uh, yeah yeah!_

Sticking her thumbs underneath her dress's top, Kim slowly guided it downward in a teasing manner, keeping from showing anything just yet.

_I get totally crazy!_

_Can you feel it?_

With her arms stretched out, Kim began to twirl like a cyclone, her dress now more loose than ever.

_Come, come, come on baby!  
_

Stopping on her heel, Kim jumped upward and leaped into a series of somersaults.

_Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!_

Sticking her landing, Kim stood up as her dress finally fell to the floor.

_I feel like a woman!_

The song over, Kim stood in front of her husband, the only thing she was left wearing was her emerald pendant nestled above her bosom. She couldn't help but grin at Ron's frozen expression. She silently hoped she didn't give him a heart attack.

Running her hands through her long auburn locks, Kim sashayed over to her shell-shocked husband, making sure there was an extra bounce and sway in her step. When she was right in front of him, she snapped her fingers to break his trance.

"So, what did you think?" Kim said as she leaned over her husband.

"That was..." Ron said squeakily.

"Badical?" Kim offered.

"I was going to say the hottest thing I've ever seen you do" Ron finished.

"Even better" Kim purred.

"Any chance you can do that again?" Ron begged hopefully.

"Not that particular dance" Kim said with a grin before pointing at a camera off to the side whose timer had just turned off "But I did make a video so you can watch it again any time you want".

Ron grinned at the prospect before something his wife said clicked in his mind "Wait, you said '_that_ particular dance'?"

Kim's eyes became smoldering as she leaned forward "That tuxedo isn't the only outfit I've got. I have a whole new wardrobe I'm just itching to put on and _take off_. A friend of mine reminded me that one of a wife's duties is to show just how much she loves her man. Ronnie, you are now the only guest of Kim's One Woman Striptease Act. Performances _every night_".

Ron's mouth fell wide open and Kim couldn't help but giggle at the sight of him drooling, considering it was over her. Putting a hand under his chin, she slowly raised it up to close his mouth.

"Now, then" she said as she felt a certain bulge in her husband's trousers "Unless Rufus snuck back in, I'd say you're happy to see me" she climbed into the chair and situated herself over Ron "Ready to pay the first admission?"

"I'm even going to give a _**big**_ tip" Ron said breathless as he ran his hands over Kim's bare back.

"Happy anniversary, Ron" Kim said sultry as she pressed herself against her husband's body.

"Booyah" Ron said with a goofy grin before his beautiful naked wife practically devoured his lips before she reached for the lamp beside the chair and switched it off, engulfing the room in pitch black darkness, leaving only the sound of two voices yelling "Booyah!" in perfect harmony.

**The End**

* * *

**A/N: This story was based on two of the hottest things I've seen in media: the "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" music video, and the "Money Can't Buy It" scene from "Striptease". I also added a few of my own touches. In case I've caused anyone who read this to get a coronary, be unable to stand up, or race to their bathroom for a cold shower, I apologize. XD Remember, I don't own Shania Twain's lyrics, I'm just borrowing them. Please don't have my story removed.**


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